Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
