Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
