I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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