had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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