Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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