If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
