I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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