Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
