Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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