Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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