Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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