don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
