I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
