Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
