I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize