Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
