R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
