i just had sex bonerless
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
