I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
