Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we made out on top of his cat.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this just has baby written all over it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
