SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
