one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
