your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize