you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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