and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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