What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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