phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
