lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
