omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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