I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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