A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know her cup size but not her name....
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