nut hugger
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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