The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
