Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize