I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
