I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
