i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
