i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
