rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
