whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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