She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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