I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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