new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
