Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
