So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
