I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
