this boner is exhausting
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
