we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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