You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
