i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
