I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize