Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
