your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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