i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
