so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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