I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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