I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He has the fingertips of a God
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