some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
