sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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