**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
