I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You may now shotgun with the bride
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
