running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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