As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
