You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
