Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
