i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
