erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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