just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
