please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
