She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
