this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize