nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
