it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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