the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
