he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
