Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
