I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
