I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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