Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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